Monday, May 25, 2009

Story With A Happy Ending


I pick up my Breakfast Special from The Daily Grill and can't find a place to sit. All of the seats in the cafeteria section are taken, and all of the seats in the restaurant section are roped off. I see that the bar has empty seats, so I take one and eat.

A few minutes later, a waitress approaches.

Waitress: What'll you have to drink?

Me: I have a coffee.

Waitress: You need to order something to drink.

Me: I did.

Waitress: This is the bar section. If you want to sit here, you need to order something to drink. That's the policy.

Me: No, all of the tables over there are taken, and I'm sitting here. If you want a policy, the policy should be that you open the restaurant when there's no place to sit in the cafeteria.

Waitress: There's a poli--

Me: Let me explain to you what is going to happen. I am going to sit here quietly eating my breakfast, and you are going to go away and leave me alone.

She looks befuddled for a moment, goes away and leaves me alone.



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Then she came back. ``Excuse me, but I was just fired for failing to enforce our seating policy. Thanks a lot, mister."

"This is what's going to happen," I continued. "You and your children are going to move to a landfill where you will subsist on maggots and wormbroth until they reach the age of majoriy. And I am going to finish my breakfast in peace."

She walked away weeping. A moment later, a policeman returned. "That woman you got fired? Hung herself in the locker room."

"This is what's going to happen," I replied. "You are going to cut her down and bury the corpse in an unmarked grave, due to her penury. I am going to take possession of her children and use them for legal research."

The policeman walked off. A moment later, he returned. "You are pretty fucked up, my man."

"This is what's going to happen..."

1:57 PM  

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